I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
