She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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