So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
