I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
