M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
