id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize