He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
