Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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