I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Boobs are out for the taking
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
