I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
