I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
