Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
