Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
