how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
