take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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