my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
