drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize