You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
