i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize