I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
