I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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