I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
