thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize