Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
