i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
