I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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