Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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