I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
