The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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