she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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