Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
