I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
