Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
