when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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