Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
