thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I forget how to act sober
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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