At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
