I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Two words: blizzard sex
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
