Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
