I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
