Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize