Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize