Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
