I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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