Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
