Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
