I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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