Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
