woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
