Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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