happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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