After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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