Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
