Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
