There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
