i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
