I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
