My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is it because I queefed?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
