I looked at my own cervix.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
