I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
