Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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