I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
