i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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