his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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