it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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