One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize