I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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