i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
