We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
