she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
