hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
