Me. At least after what I've been through.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
