remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
