respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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