ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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